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Literature Text
We are echoes in the night,
Scant glimmers of lives past
Eternal rest our endless delight.
Long we have waited and held fast
For the one that is first and last.
Yet still we sleep below in sordid decay
And know not the harmonies above,
Or those that cry in the light of day.
There is no more for us to speak of;
No more for us to love.
Scant glimmers of lives past
Eternal rest our endless delight.
Long we have waited and held fast
For the one that is first and last.
Yet still we sleep below in sordid decay
And know not the harmonies above,
Or those that cry in the light of day.
There is no more for us to speak of;
No more for us to love.
Literature
I Will Always Be
I know that you are strong,
You are stronger than you know
So just imagine how strong you'd be,
If only you'd let it all go
So many things,
That you choose to hide,
Pain not accepted...
Is pain denied...!
I will hold your hand,
Yes, I will help you stand
No matter what you do to me...
Because this is who I am
Break your back,
Break your bones,
I'll be with you wherever you go,
And there I will always be
You can break my heart,
But not my will,
Beside you, I will stand still,
There, I will always be...
You are afraid of looking weak,
While the answers that you seek,
So slowly drift away...
So it's time to change!
So man
Literature
Dreaming the Night
Restless I lie on my bed tonight and pretend that it is grass,
The heavens shine above me, not mere plaster and lights of glass.
In my imaginings I see and believe as I shrug off the caress of sleep
That I lie in a verdant valley of green in a bower of flowers nestled deep
In the new spring grass, dewy, springy, barely feeling its touch.
The comfort might have lulled me to slumber, but then and there no such
Comfort could. For the night sky seemed a vision that my wishes would invoke
With its full haloed moon brighter than the sun with its chariot and many spokes.
This celestial panorama showcased clearcut stars burning in a sea of ink
With e
Literature
Empty Void
I sit here
mindlessly wielding my pen
travelling to the darkest corners
of my weary mind.
Hopelessly trying to squeeze words
to rid of the pain
silently ending my life.
I love you.
That, you know.
But you feel for another.
Such a sad fate,
unrequited love.
Yet you accept me
support me
care for me.
Indeed,
you do these
Such a good friend.
I contemplate
and face the fact
that's all we're gonna be
Just
Friends.
It's strange.
You have nothing for me,
and yet
just a smile
a look
defines the word
'everything'
to me.
I cherish
the laughter we shared
the agreements we made
the times we spent
the moment we met.
My
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How long must they rest? As long as it takes.
This is my first attempt at an old school European cinquain with "ababb" rhyming scheme. I hope it is to your liking, and remember...
...I humbly honor your comments and criticism.
This is my first attempt at an old school European cinquain with "ababb" rhyming scheme. I hope it is to your liking, and remember...
...I humbly honor your comments and criticism.
© 2011 - 2024 Hylanvahr
Comments11
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Overall Vision Originality
Technique ImpactI will be critiquing this poem on behalf of
<img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/s…" alt="
" title="SuperWritersHelp"/>Firstly, I love your title, but I'm not so sure how it ties in with your poem as the poem doesn't speak of bliss but the opposite.
Now, the crit:
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Red"/> ST = Stanza<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Red"/> L = Line<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Purple"/> G = Grammar<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Purple"/> P = Punctuation<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Orange"/> R = Rhyme/Rhyme Scheme<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Orange"/> M = Meter<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Blue"/> F = Flow<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Blue"/> S = StructureI'm curious if you placed this as 'fixed form' for a reason or just because it rhymes?
ST 1:
R: ababb
M: 7, 6, 9, 8, 8
- Watch out for the 6 syllable line as it's a bit too short in meter compared to the rest.
G:
- L3 you need the word 'is' in-between 'rest' and 'our'
- L4 you have forced R -> you have changed the order of words in a sentence to make the rhyming word come at the end of the line
(Long we have waited) should be (We have waited long)
P:
L2 - end with a semi-colon
L4 - end with a semi-colon
ST 2
R: cdcdd
M: 10, 9, 9, 9, 6
- watch the end line as it is too short in comparison with the rest of the meter
G:
P:
- L1 - you can place a comma after 'below' and 'decay'
- L2 - end with a semi-colon instead of a comma
Overall:
Your S & F are super
You have some excellent imagery and your improvement in grammar and punctuation bring this to the forefront, well done.
Jo